Live-blogging “nap” time because if I don't find the humor in this situation, I might start weeping.
1:09: Bea climbs into bed with Itchy Frog and that horrible blue dolphin Pillow Pet.
1:10: “Boat! Boat on wahlah! Get on! Hurry!” She has managed to build a “boat” out of pillows and is urging Itchy Frog to save himself from certain disaster. (Irony: Frogs like water.)
1:12: Bea is under the quilt Linda made for her, still yelling about the boat on the water.
1:14: I look up and see that every single pillow, animal, and blanket has been shoved into the cubby between her bed and bookshelf. “Bea, GO. TO. SLEEP.” “NO! ‘Dis Bea house!” She climbs into the nest of bedding. “Beatrix Nan Yu, get up here and lay down RIGHT NOW.”
1:16 Bea lays down. Hrm. Maybe she’ll actually sleep.
1:18: Are you kidding me? She just started stripping the sheet off the bed. The sheet was the only bedding left after she built her house. “Cut it out; leave that sheet on.” She stares at me through the bars of the headboard, but doesn’t peel back the sheet any further.
1:19: Awesome. She just popped up, ripped off the sheet, and looked over at me with a triumphant “ha ha, Mama” gleam in her eye.
1:22: She is methodically transferring every blanket, pillow, and animal from the cubby to the head of the bed. Itchy Frog is staring at me in a creepy way, but I’m honestly not sure how much he can see given the size of that cataract on his eye.
1:23: Grunts come from the bed as she rearranges the dolphin and the frog, pulls up the covers, and flops down.
1:23:30: Dammit. She’s back up again. She’s in the cubby area, getting… something. Oh, of course! A picture that Liv taped up there for her. Why WOULDN’T she need that to take a nap? Duh.
1:29: “I lay down. Lay down, Itchy! Lay down, dolphin!” She is patting them to sleep, for definitions of patting that equal “smacking the crap out of them.” PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PATPATPATPATPATPAT.
1:33: Patting is over. Bea is out of sight at the end of the bed (stupid blue dolphin blocking my view), but I hear ripping paper. “Beatrix… “ I say in a warning tone. The ripping immediately stops. It’s quiet.
1:37: Well, she's still quiet, but she's sitting up and intently poking dolphin in his eyeball.
1:38: "Maaama, love you. Papa, love you, Maaaaahm Maaaaahm Maaaahm I love you. Do do doodooodooo, mouse a mouse a mouse, 'sank you, mommy dolphin lay down, 'kay? 'Kay." Bea lays down and I think maybe, just maybe, she's tired and going to pass out. Alas, I see Itchy Frog rising up over the headboard. "Bounce bounce bounce bounce FUN WHEEEEEEEEE."
1:42: Oh, look. Time to take out the braid in the hair. The hair tie comes flying over the headboard. "Allllll done!"
1:43: The lack of hair doo-dad is apparently freeing. Too freeing. It's inspired a mashup. "Twinken twinken LIL STAAAAARRRR, like die-nah inna SKYYYYYY, one two fwee fouah, five, sixseleneight, nine, ten, eleben, twelve, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, twenty two, twenty four, WHEEL ON BUS RAHND AH RAHND, open and shut, ABCDEFG [yawn] HIJKlemenopeeeee, cue RSTUVWXYZ, twinken twinken, how wonder what are, ant go out street get out rain, walk walk walk, ant go walk walk walk, go grass, go out, get rain, get Itchy Frog, dooo doooooododododododooooo."
1:53: I see no frog feet flailing in the air. I see no Bea feet or arms flailing in the air. I hear no singing... only the lovely (yet gross) noise of thumb sucking.
1:58: Noooooooo. Itchy Frog is being dangled over the bed rail. "Heeeellllp meeeeee, heeeeellllppp meeeeee, no fall on floor, Itchy Frog! Uh oh, help me! Itchy Frog, no flyyyyyin' on floor, Itchy Frog, sleepin', sleepin'."
2:02: She is staring at me over the headboard. "Mama, all done bed." Bwa. Ha. Ha. I shake my head and turn back to my laptop. Must not engage.
2:10: Why is she chanting about cauliflower? And how did an elephant that needed medicine get into her bed?
2:15: I hear an odd rustling and peer up. She's sitting there with a piece of scotch tape on her forehead and an expression somewhere in between "what? I meant to do this" and "oh, crap, I'm busted" on her face.
2:37: Victory, it is mine. And hell, it only took what...? 88 minutes? Piece of cake.