We all have them: things that make us shudder, things that make our stomachs churn, things that we stare at in abject horror, unable to tear our eyes away. You know, gross things.
I can't figure out if I'm more of a delicate prissy flower than I thought or if my little corner of the world has just gotten a whole lot skeevier lately, but at least once a day I find myself gagging over things like these:
1. Hair in the sink or shower drain, or on the shower floor at the gym. There are routinely giant hairballs hovering near the shower drains in the gym and stray hairs clinging to the shower stall sides. I cannot overstate how gross I find this.
2. People walking around barefoot in the gym locker room (see Number 1, above).
3. Chicks bowling without panties. If you're gonna go commando, you've gotta give up something, and that something has to be either the bowling or the little black dress. You cannot have both without showing the world your girly bits and then making everyone around you want to Purell their eyeballs and also the seat you were sitting in.
4. Touching dirty socks that are not my own. Honey, if you've ever wondered why none of your socks ever seem to make it into the washer when I'm doing laundry, well... now you know. Sorry.
5. Things in meat that don't belong there. The other night at Legume I got my favorite smashed chicken and it was not cooked all the way through. Wanna know how I found out? I had a bleeder. IN MY CHICKEN. There was a gross bleeding vein or artery or something that spurted when it was hit with the fork. Now, I like Grey's Anatomy as much as the next person, but notsomuch on my dinner plate.
6. The guy at the gym who sweats so much while riding the bike that he actually drips. We're not talking little beads of perspiration, either. This dude looks like he just got doused with a bucket of water. And all that sweat? Drips all over the bike, the floor, and anything else in his path.
7. The inside of the sink drain. If my husband wouldn't kill me, I would totally let the garbage disposal eat every errant spoon and lid just so I didn't have to stick my hand down in that wet, dark, slimy portal to hell.
8. People who put their mouths on the water fountain thingie. That water arcs up for a reason, my friend.
9. The idea of picking up fresh dog poo with only a thin plastic bag between my hand and that poo. This is the prime reason we will never own a dog while living in the city. (Well, that and the fact that someone in this house is highly allergic. But honestly, I think the poo-picking-up is more of a deal breaker than the allergies.)
10. The sound that happens when Styrofoam rubs together. You know how some people get that watery-mouth-gonna-vomit feeling when they hear nails on a chalkboard? My personal hell is unpacking a new small appliance or toy shrouded in Styrofoam.
11. Cottage cheese.
12. Knees. I nearly passed out when my physical therapist was moving around my displaced patella (even writing it out is making me shudder). The thought of all that joint and muscle and kneecap is just way too much. I gladly watched open-heart surgery and passed around organs from an autopsied body during a GATE field trip, but I cannot stand to see pictures of or hear about any sort of knee injury or surgery. This means you, dude at the UPMC Sports Medicine Center who felt the need to tell me all about that blown-out knee. I could have lived the rest of my life quite happily never knowing about your surgery or rehab, thanks.
13. Lice. I live in fear of the Lice Letter from school. Two years ago, we got the dreaded letter every. single. month. The mere thought of makes me want to scratch myself raw.
And now, if you'll pardon me, I've got to go make a mug of peppermint tea. I'm suddenly feeling a little queasy.